(desperation + noise)

(image credited to Sound on Sound)

At some point in every music lover’s journey of self-discovery (yes, this does indeed involve that heart-crushing realization that having an intense obsession over anything, particularly music, means you probably won’t get laid for long periods of time; sorry), he or she will come across the phenomenon known as handclaps.

It’s a fickle animal, ultimately: its roots are firmly laid down in your memories of elementary school assemblies and ceaseless childhood joy, but extended bouts of hand-hand contact, you’ve found, have led to nothing but pain in the palm area or thereabouts. Besides, in your current jaded hipster mode of thinking, what in the music world deserves to make your hands move, let along any part of your body (WHY DON’T YOU JUST FUCKING DANCE, GODDAMNIT)?

Don’t worry, I’ve made a mix. Yes, a mix, that all-healing force of the natural world – after all, when God rested on the seventh day, he made a mix CD for the next few eons of loving and guiding his creation. Unfortunately, he filled it with too many Mazzy Star and Jason Molina songs. But I digress. Herein lay reasons for the immense and undeniable AWESOMENESS inherent in utilizing the ability to clap one’s hands in a musical fashion.

(Note: The songs for this mix are particularly gloomy for some reason, as though each handclap were accompanied by the proper amount of black fingernail polish. Ah well.)

(Note #2: The entire idea for this project is a result of my good friend James’ recently deleted Wikipedia article of songs featuring handclaps. He made a thread about it on Blamo and posted the list therein. It can be found here.)

Handclap Drugs

Side One:
1. “Who Could Win a Rabbit” – Animal Collective
(It works mostly as an intro track, as I am so wont to do on my mixes 100% of the time. There are disparate handclaps throughout, but they all coalesce into a few seconds of pure aural joy in the middle of the track. You will feel your hands quake in unison. You will feel beautiful.)
2. “Clap Your Hands” – A Tribe Called Quest
(Though it’s on the list, there are no discernable handclaps on this track. It’s possible that it could’ve been combined with the snare sample, but whatever. The song sets the fucking mood – YOU ARE GOING TO CLAP YOUR HANDS AND YOU ARE GOING TO LIKE IT, MOTHERFUCKER.)
3. “The W.A.N.D. (The Will Always Negates Defeat)” – The Flaming Lips
(I didn’t want this mix to be the slightest bit contemporary until I took a listen to the first few seconds of this song, and let me tell you, it’s songs like this that are the reason lists of handclapping songs are made, and beyond that, the reason these mixes are made. The specific claps go beyond their traditional percussive elements and become integral parts of the song.)
4. “Hateful” – The Clash
(Had to fit a 1, 2, 1-2 clap pattern into this mix somewhere, so this was duking it out with Black Flag’s “TV Party” for a while. And actually, I like “TV Party” a lot more than this song. However, the final cymbal crash in “The W.A.N.D.” leads PERFECTLY into “Hateful.” Listen to it in iTunes 7. Feel all of its glory. It’s pretty much the best transition I’ve ever heard.)
5. “Cinnamon Girl” – Neil Young
(Hahaha guys if you’ve heard this song then you already know. It has the BEST FUCKING HANDCLAPS ON EARTH.)
6. “King’s Lead Hat” – Brian Eno
(Call me crazy, but are these handclappers cupping their hands on certain beats? Because it sounds different, but fantastic.)
7. “In Particular” – Blonde Redhead
(SOME MOODY SHIT TO END THE SIDE. YOU KNOW. Hey, those handclaps, you know how it seems like they’re clapping your SOUL? Well, they are.)

Side Two:
1. “Glass” – Joy Division
(Fought valiantly with “Under My Thumb” and “Jeepster” for the category of “best totally off-time handclaps” and pretty much won based on the fact that it’s darker than both, and the mix, by this point, was turning hella dark.)
2. “Show Biz Kids” – Steely Dan
(The handclaps in this song don’t last more than maybe ten seconds, but they are the most important part of the song. Listen for them. Tell me they don’t kill you.)
3. “Nightshop” – Fugazi
(Groove is in the motherfucking heart.)
4. “Water” – The Roots
(Every reason I love the Roots in one song. Handclap samples put there for the explicit purposes of moving the crowd to leave dents in the floor, an impossibly groovy backbeat, and HOLY SHIT SUDDENLY TECHNO FREE JAZZ AND AMBIENCE. WHAT. Nigh-perfect transition into the next song, as well.)
5. “Mt. Eerie” – The Microphones
(Phil Elvrum reaches under your skin and finds the handclap within.)
6. “The Weeping Song” – Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds
(You remember what I said about “Cinnamon Girl”? FUCK “Cinnamon Girl.” The chorus of “The Weeping Song” will forever be where it’s at.)
7. “The Air-Conditioned Nightmare” – Mr. Bungle
(The handclaps here serve as marching drums sending you to your imminent doom at the hands of Beach Boys harmonies.)
8. “1969″ – The Stooges
(No explanation needed. Sorry. Can’t be clever about shit that just plain rocks.)

By all rights, I should really hate Murder by Death.

Not for the typical reasons I should hate something, like say all that emo that I listen to much to the immense confusion of my peers. It’s really more of this baseless anti-indie/anti-Pitchfork/anti-post rock attitude I’ve been copping as of late, which absolutely goes against my traditional values of “every genre has something worth listening to blah blah blah” but seriously if I hear one more song with really simple (and omg so dark) guitar figures and strings with the intent of being super-transcendental I will fucking cut out both of Efrim’s eyes and piss on them, okay? Mono = Mogwai = Explosions in the Sky = boring already, sheesh.

A good half of Murder by Death’s first album Like the Exorcist, But More Breakdancing fit this mold easily, and thus, when I listened to it, I was so infuriated with its basic retreads of Godspeed that the more mold-breaking (so to speak) tracks didn’t even catch my ear.

Their second album was later recommended to me by this guy I knew who would give his left and right nuts to Spencer Krug and Win Butler, respectively. Naturally, the very idea that this particular brand of human slime would recommend a band to me that I already vehemently disliked added charitably to my hate. I didn’t even need to listen to the album.

I did, though, and I was more than underwhelmed, so I forgot about them.

Enter “Brother.”

Apparently, the awfully named (I know it’s from a movie, that doesn’t make it good) foursome have ditched most every flirtation with being Mogwai + cello and fully indulged in rollicking bar swing. The lead singer’s exercising his best imitation of Johnny Cash while the cellist is TEARING THE FUCKING SHIT OUT OF EVERYTHING and for some reason this leads to absolute, undeniable aural ecstasy. You can feel the beer bottle crashing over your head, and it is full of light and divorce whiskey and etc.

The moral of the story is that my love for this track made me seek out Exorcist and Who Will Survive again and my god they are fantastic. I was so wrong.

Which, if I were a better writer, I’d turn into some allegory on the nature of human existence. And shit. But at this point it serves as an important lesson: never let some pimply indie kid or some overwhelmingly samey genre of music keep you from something you might possibly enjoy.

Unless, you know, you don’t enjoy it.

Links:
Murder by Death – “Brother”